


Crashing Down: the life and death of Chris Manawa

by Ghost_Writer86



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Gen, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-08-20 11:18:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8246906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghost_Writer86/pseuds/Ghost_Writer86
Summary: My name is Christopher Manawa, I´m a sixteen year old kid born and raised in Los Angeles, and this is the story of how a lived and died.





	1. THE DIVORCE

I was born on February 12th, 1994 to Travis Manawa, a school teacher and Liza Ortiz, a nurse, my first years of life were the happiest, my dad was devoted to both my mom and I, for her I was her little angel, they had gotten married young and had a lot of hopes for the future.

As I grew up I was shown to show mercy to people, to be considerate and to always try to see the good in people, this was bestowed more so by my father, a man with a moral compass that seemed to never fail. For years I was like that always good, wanting to grow up and be like my father, never once letting people who treated me bad to damper my thoughts in humanity, I had seen people been mean to others, but I knew that in the world there were still good people.

At the age of twelve was when the anger started to bubble, things at home weren´t good, mom and dad will fight more often than they didn´t, either because of mom´s work or dad´s, or any single little thing, at school was worst that was when things started to get ugly I had always had bullies coming at me for being a good guy and a good student, I had them even saying bad things to me because of my heritage, but that year was when it became physical.

The first time was just a push against the locker by a jock as I made my way to class, with him saying I should go back to my country, funny as I was in my country, I ignored it, like my dad had told me and went about my day like always, but after that it became obvious that from now on I would be this guy’s punching bag. His name was Michael Jones, just two years older than me, the athletic kind of guy; he was brown haired, blue eyed and with the expensive clothes, he was arrogant all around.

A push against the lockers turned to a punch in the gut, which later on turned to he and his friends chasing me after school and they being verbally abusive towards me, I told my dad about the last one, not wanting him to know that he had a weak son that beaten every now and then, so he looked at me and just told me to ignore them and play along and maybe even try to fit with them, that way they would stop. I thought that was stupid so I didn´t do it, I just kept things to myself, letting the angriness grow slowly but steady.

A year later was when everything went to hell thought, I was a thirteen year old boy with hopes and dreams and had pretty much kept to myself, I didn´t had friends, I mean I hang out with kids at school and with some people online while playing games but that was it. I was a loner and I was fine with that, until I found myself with no one to talk, until then my dad had been my best friend we would go camping, or he will teach me how to repair things, when I came home he would be there and we would talk about sports and girls and make jokes, but that changed. One afternoon after school I got home like always, I found both of my parents in the living room of the apartment we had lived for the last ten years.

Both looked calm, something that lately was almost impossible, I smiled at them as I walked in, my mom jumped a little, which I found weird and dad looked up at me from where he was sitting next to her. My mom cleared her throat and told me that they needed to talk with me, I got worried thinking that maybe I had done something wrong, but I really didn´t remembered, so I asked—am I in trouble?—the both shook their head no, so I sat down in the arm chair that used to be my grandpa favorite.

-Chris-dad started and I knew what was coming; I could see the sadness and regret in his eyes, I clenched my jaw as he said the next words, --your mom and I are getting a divorce—my heart clenched on my chest so hard that I felt like I was going to die, dad kept talking but I don´t remember what he said, the only thing that I could think at the moment was the fact that my family was done, I had met a few kids that had gone through that and it was never the same, my world came crashing down for the first time.

I got up and looked at my mom who was quietly looking at me, she felt guilty and sad, I saw it in her eyes, I walked away and hear my dad trying to reach me and then my mother’s voice telling him to give me space, that I would come around. I closed the door of my room and cried myself to sleep, that is how the Manawa-Ortiz Family ended and the beginning of my end.


	2. MADISON

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris finds out about Madison´s existence

The year I turned thirteen I had to go through a lot of changes, my parents getting divorce, moving out from the only place I knew as home, but hope was still on my heart that my parents would come around and be together again. Christmas that year was horrible mom and I spend it with some of her friends, while dad spend it by himself, or so I thought, the next day he came over and handed me my present, a new phone, mine had been “accidently” thrown to a wall after I found out about the divorce. I smiled and thanked him, mom suggested that we went out so we could spend some father-son time together as in the last few months it had been chaotic and I had barely spend any time with my dad.

As we walked down the street towards an ice cream parlor dad told me how he had spent his Christmas night at a friend´s house, how she had invited him when he had told her he would be alone as I was going to be with my mom, the use of the she got my attention, my father had spent Christmas with some woman I didn´t knew about. Just as I was about to ask who this woman was and why he had chosen to spent his time with some her instead than coming home to mom and I, he asked me what we had done, I told him how mom had gotten an invitation from Maria and her husband so we had dinner with them and how a played videogames with their son Dante, then I proceeded to talk about school and other stuff, leaving my doubts about his new friend aside.

Dad seemed happy with this information, I guessed he felt relieved that mom wouldn´t be available to tell him anything if she found out he was with someone else on Christmas night. We had just returned from getting ice cream and walking around my new neighborhood, and we set to watch TV with my mom when dad´s phone started ringing, mom and I looked at him with confusion written all over our faces as he got up and walked out to the hallway. We could hear his side of the conversation as he hadn´t closed the door, I heard him tell the other person to calm down and to not worry as her son would be fine, then he told who now I knew was a woman that he would be there in a few minutes, I turned to look at my mom who looked as confused as I was; so I knew who ever this lady was my mom didn´t knew about her either. Dad walked back in a few minutes later, he looked at me and say –Sorry I have to go—mom asked him if everything was ok, so dad told her that his friend, Madison´s son had escaped from the rehab clinic he was in and that dad had offered to help her find him; my old man always so kind hearted.

Mom say that it was ok and that she hoped that they would find him safe, I on the other hand was wondering why some junkie was more important than me, why my dad had to go look for him so I asked, dad looked at me as calm as he always did and said that Madison´s husband had passed away the year prior and that she didn´t had anyone else to help her, I felt bad for them but I was still upset dad must have noticed because he promised he would make it up to me before he walked out. That was the first time I heard about the Clarks, I ignored how this new people coming into my dad´s life would change me.

Before I knew it my 14th birthday was around the corner, I wasn´t as excited as I didn´t knew how we will go about it, normally mom and dad will threw me a party with some of their friends and their families, but this time I wasn´t so sure what was going to happen. Dad called me the morning of my birthday to wish me a nice day and told me he and mom thought I had probably already outgrown my liking for kids parties so they would take me to a restaurant of my choice to have dinner, I smiled and said that it was cool, having both of them together was great, it cheered me up.

Mom told me as we arrived to the restaurant that I would be spending the rest of the week and part of the next with dad as it was his turn, I hate it, because I felt like some kind of toy been passed around whenever they got bored to have me but I kept quiet and just said yes. Dinner was fine, the restaurant was a cozy Italian place that I liked, mom and dad chatted for a while and then they gave me my presents, two t-shirts, a shirt and a new set of headphone from mom and a video camera from dad, it was a good birthday.

Until at midnight at dad´s new home I woke up thirsty walking towards the kitchen I could hear voices –Everything will be fine he is a strong kid—my dad said, I stayed on the hallway listening a woman’s voice answered –I just don´t understand why every time I try to help him he just leaves, I´m worried that the next time he does something like this the call I will receive will be to tell me that he is dead—I listened for a while longer and then stepped into the living room dad was standing on the middle with his arms wrapped around a woman shorted that him, I could see her blonde hair, they must had sensed that someone had joined them because they pulled apart and dad turned to look at me. --You should be in bed Chris, you have classes tomorrow—Dad say while looking a little bit nervous—I got thirsty—I said my eyes fixed on the woman, who smiled a little at me before taking a step towards me, -- I´m Madison Clark, I´m a colleague of your dad—I shook her hand and nodded, so this was the Madison that had my dad bailing on me on Christmas, she smiled again and then say –I should go--, she turned to my dad and gave him a side hug before saying—thanks for listening—I saw dad following her to the door offering to take her home as it was really late but she declined the offer and then left, dad stood there for a while and a nasty feeling formed in my stomach. The next he day that told me everything about Madison, she had two children Nick who was seventeen and the trouble maker and Alicia who was fifteen and an amazing kid with just a little amount of teenage rebelliousness as he called it, I guessed she was just a brat but my dad didn´t wanted to say that.

A few days later I talked with Dante, we were at the park I was filming the skaters, I told him all about Madison and he pointed out that dad seemed interested in her and that they were probably in a relationship, I got angry and told him it was impossible because the divorce was pretty recent and that my mom hadn´t dated anyone, Dante kindly reminded me that not everyone moves on at the same time and that my mother was busy with work and with raising me so it was obviously a lot more difficult than for my dad.

I didn´t noticed that someone else was paying attention to our conversation until I heard the mocking voice of Michael Jones say –Well, well it looks like the father of the loser has gotten himself a new piece of ass, I bet he was doing her long before he kicked your mother to the curve—his friends laughed and I just kept quite remembering what dad had told me, Dante being the nice guy he was tried to step in –Michael come on don´t be a jerk leave him alone, we are doing nothing , please just leave--, but obviously it didn´t work, Michael just laughed and kept going, mocking me and saying as many nasty things as he could, I just could feel the angriness growing inside of me and then he say it.

\--To be honest you can´t blame the man, anyone dating Manawa´s mom would look for an upgrade—that was it, it felt like everything happened in slow motion I was standing there ignoring and the next thing I know I´m on top of a guy who had more weight and height on me, my fist connected to his face several times, I could hear his friends voices telling him to kick my ass and Dante´s voice begging me to stop, but I couldn´t I just kept hitting him I could see the shock and fear in his eyes as he tried to stop me but it was like a beast had being left out of a cage and I  kept going until I felt a fist connect to my head and then I saw Michael almost being dragged away by his friends.

Dante was holding his left hand so I knew it was him who had punched me in the head to stop me, I stared at my own hands that where shaking and smeared with blood then I looked at Dante who had fear in his eyes and softly say –Please don´t tell my parents—he nodded and we sat in there; him probably thinking I was crazy and  me directing what was left of my angriness to Madison Clark, because if Dante was right and my father was indeed dating her,  she was the responsible of my world falling apart.


	3. NICK AND ALICIA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris meets Alicia and Nick.

A few weeks after the incident on the park, my dad came clean with me he was indeed dating Madison, they had just started and he didn´t knew how to tell me, but he guessed it was time after I saw her at his house.

To say I didn´t take it well is an understatement, I yelled at him and then refused to see him for like three weeks, closer to the fourth my mother pretty much told me to stop acting like a brat and to be happy that my father was happy and then she forced me to go to his house.

I wasn´t happy and my father knew it, the second I walked through the door, I spend the first few days ignoring him, staying in my room most of the time, until one night he walked into my room in the middle of the night, saying Madison needed him and that I should get dressed as we were going to her house, I´m guessing that me being half sleep worked on his favor as I didn´t said anything.

Once we got there he tried to calm Madison, I noticed she looked like she was about to have a meltdown, dad asked her what had happened and she said Nick had come over after he had left rehab again, they had gotten into a fight and he had ran away, as Madison and dad formulated a plan to get Nick back into rehab I noticed that there was someone else in the room, she was quite, beautiful even in her PJ´s, her hair a light brown, green eyes focused on her mom, full lips and cheek bones that any girl would kill for.

I stood there like an idiot until she turned to look at me, she raised an eyebrow and then walked into what I guessed was the kitchen without saying a word, ok that was a little bit rude but I guessed that I wouldn´t be in the best of humors either if some strange kid stared at me minutes after my junkie brother decided to ran away.

I stayed on the living room looking around it I could see a bunch of pictures of the kids and then I saw a decorative piece with hand prints on it and the names underneath read Madison, Nick and Alicia.

Dad walked towards me and said he and Madison would go looking for Nick and that I needed to stay here in the house of a woman I couldn´t stand with her daughter that seemed like she would want to be anywhere but there with me.

Alicia and Madison walked out of the kitchen, they were talking and I hear the younger girl said that Nick knew how to move and hide around the city so they probably should just call the police and have them taking care of it, but her mother shook her head and asked her to take care of me, I flinched at this it was obvious this girl wanted nothing to do with me.

As they left Alicia turned to me and said –We don´t have a guest room, so you will have to sleep in the couch-I nodded and walked over to it, she came over and handed me a few blankets and a pillow before walking away, I muttered a thank you and good night but received no response from her.

I tried to stay awake for as long as I could but the next day I still had classes so I didn´t knew at what time but I finally fell asleep.

I was awoken by the sound of voices outside the house they sounded agitated so I got up with all my attention on them until I realized that it was past nine and ran towards the window I didn´t saw my dad´s truck so I knew he wasn´t there, I cursed under my breath, I started to formulate a plan but I knew it was worthless, I was going to miss school that day and not because I wanted but because Madison and her stupid junkie kid.

Just as my angriness was about to take over I remembered the fact that I had woken up because I heard people talking outside so I went to check.

As I moved towards the front door I could hear Alicia talking not to loud but not as she wanted to keep it a secret, I opened the door and there they were whom I supposed was Nick and Alicia talking he was asking her for money and she looked really pissed, I noticed that a girl walking back and forth on the front yard.

\--Please Aly, I need just a few bucks I promise I won´t ask you ever again—Nick said as he made some pathetic attempt of puppy dog eyes, Alicia moved away from him and said in a firm voice – I said no Nicholas, if you want money work for it and if you can´t than wait for mom to come back as she has been out all night looking for you--.

He seemed upset about all but he looked even more when he heard Madison was out looking for him, he muttered something like “when will she learn”, before his eyes landed on me, he smiled awkwardly and then said –Who is the kid, did you dump Matt?—I must have looked like a deer caught in the highlights because he started laughing.

Alicia sighed and responded –He is Travis´s kid-- I frowned and said -I actually have a name, I´m Chris- I extended my hand towards Nick as Alicia rolled her eyes, Nick smiled and said –Your dad is good guy, hey do you have any money that you could land to a lad with no luck—I shook my head no and he sighed.

Alicia pulled me aside and told me to go back inside and call  my dad –Ask him how far they were and how long it would take them to get here, -I will keep Nick entertained—I nodded and went back inside I did as she told me I called my dad and he told me they were jabout an hour  away, I was going back outside when I saw Alicia, Nick and the girl on the front yard walk in, Alicia started to make some sandwiches and I walked to the kitchen leaving Nick and his girl on the living room with the tv on – They will be here in twenty—I whispered, she nodded and told me to go back to Nick and I did.

He told me the girl was Gloria, that she was the love of his life, the girl who looked pale and like she would pass out at any time smiled and hugged him, he asked me again if I had money and I said no, I noticed he was looking around, at times he would walk around the rooms and put things in his pocket, I felt weird watching him doing that knowing that he was stealing from his house.

I told him that it was wrong he laughed and said that those things were his too so he could do whatever he wanted with them I saw Alicia walk in with a trey with the sandwiches and glasses of milk and orange juice Nick sat down smiling next to Gloria and they both started to eat, I knew Alicia had seeing him pocketing things but she said nothing.

Exactly an hour later I heard  my dad´s truck park outside, Nick and Gloria had thankfully fall asleep in his bedroom, after Alicia has convinced them that it was better that way that she would call her boyfriend and ask him if he had money.

Madison was about to call for Nick when Alicia lifted her index finger to her lips, she told her what had happened, I heard another car parking outside and saw people dressed on scrubs walk in along with two police officers, Madison´s eyes widened but then she looked thankful to her daughter.

The guys in uniform walked into Nick´s room, they got the girl out first she was screaming her head off; telling them to leave her alone, that she was going to kill them and their families, I may have laughed a little at that until I saw my dad looking at me, then came Nick, he was fighting against a guy that looked like Michael Clarke Duncan, he alone had Nick under control but that didn´t stop Nick to yell and beg to his mother, he promised he would be good that he would leave the drugs,  but when Madison didn´t said anything he started yelling at her that he wished it was her and not his dad who had died, that she should just leave him alone and that he hated her.

Nick was put on a stretcher tied to it as they put a sedative the cars were actually ambulances so they put him on the back, there was a police car too.

 A guy walked over and handed Madison a clipboard she signed the papers and they drived away.

We stood there in silence; dad had his arms around Madison, who was crying, Alicia was standing next to them quite and with a really sad expression and I was just standing to the side of  them, in that moment I felt like I was no part of this that I was an outsider and it hurt.

I felt that if dad ever became a more consistent part of the Clark family he was going to leave me behind and sadness, fear and angriness build up inside me and I was sure that it was just a time bomb building inside me and I was scare about what would happen when it would explode.


	4. THE BEGINING OF THE END

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the world starts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just rewatched episode one of season one and realised that Chris mentions someone named Dante, so I´m guessing that was his friend, I used the name Mateo because I didn´t remembered having hear Chris talk about any of his friends so yeah Mateo is now Dante.

I would lie if I said I didn´t knew something bad was coming our way, as a teen whose way to ignore reality was spending time on internet with no parental control as they trusted me, I had read stuff on some forums for gamers.

A guy named TheSlayer398, who lived in London, had written and entry on one of the forums I visited pointing out that he had been attacked on his way home by some dude on drugs that had tried to bite him, he asked the posters if they knew if there was any new drug that made people act like that, some went on about some rumors but none seemed to be true, everyone seemed to have forgotten that until Thekeeperofthegate52 posted about some rumors on his country Argentina about some new some sickness that seemed to be affecting some people but again it was just rumors and nothing was confirmed or in the news. All this happened just a few months before I turned sixteen so I just did what any teen would do, I ignored the signs.

Something that helped me to ignore what would become the end of the world as humanity knew it was that by the time my birthday came dad and Madison were living together, Nick was still in and out of rehab and Alicia ignored mine and my dad´s existence as much as she could, which led to me not wanting to spend time around them even more so I tried immersed myself on making short movies or just spend the time out of my house videotaping people imagining what their lives were like. My three weekends per month turned on maybe one weekend and it would be me huffing and sitting outside the Clarks home, while I blamed my dad for everything. Mom was busy with her work which put a little bit of stress on our relationship so it too kept my head away from those posts on a thread on a board in the internet.

As the months passed by I completely forgot about the whole “dude trying to bite some dude in London”, but it was around fall, I think, when things started to change one Wednesday, Mister Molina; a teacher who had never skip a school day, called to report he wouldn´t attend as he felt too sick to even leave his bed, the principal indicated that we could go, as it was our last class of the day, I could hear everyone cheering up as they left the classroom, Dante, Maria Santos and I stayed behind.

\--It´s weird that Mr. Molina finally skipped a day—Maria commented – I swear I thought the guy was an alien or something —she said smiling at us, I laughed and agreed with her. Dante suddenly said –maybe he got that weird virus that people are talking about- I looked at him with a confused expression, while Maria nodded ---Oh yes! How could I forgot that—she replied, I hated to ask because it was obvious that this was something people knew but I had no other choice it bothered me that I didn´t knew what they were talking about – What virus?—I finally asked.

Both Dante and Maria looked at me for second before they answered—there are rumors running the mill that there is some kind of virus that is making people act weird—Dante said. --Yeah, rumor has it that they act like zombies—she continues before huffing a laugh –to be honest I think is bullshit, but you know how people is, more so on the internet—she finishes, but Dante shakes his head as he pulls out his phone, he shows us a video of a guy being shot, he says someone in Japan filmed that, the guy is shot after a fight, for the look of it is a deadly shot as the guy falls to the ground and stays in there but less than a minute later the guy gets up and starts growling, you can hear more shots and then someone speaking to the camera he looks panicked.

\--Dude that is probably some crappy promo for a new movie or something—Maria said, I nodded and Dante only shrugged before saying -well it looks pretty realistic--.

-Well I´m still with Maria that is probably some crappy movie coming soon—I said –Come on let´s get out of here we should use our new free time for something else—Maria said as she walked out of the classroom. We spend the afternoon on the skateboard park with some of our classmates, we were filming the guys doing tricks, until Dante´s phone started ringing every few minutes.

After he responded he told us that his mom wanted him home already and that it seemed like it was some kind of emergency. Maria told us that she would stay around as it was still kind of early for her, we said our goodbyes me staying a little behind as Maria told me she wanted to talk with me but seemed to change her mind and simply kissed me on the lips, wolf whistles were hear around the park as I walked away with a goofy smile on my face Dante just laughed and we went home.

As we got closer to his house I noticed that his dad was getting some bags to their car, his mother came out at that moment, so Dante and I stopped dead in our tracks I looked at him and asked –Dude, did your parent had a fight- he looked at me and shook his head with a confused expression on his face, that is when we noticed that his mom to was getting some boxes on the back of the car; finally we decided to keep walking, as we got closer his mom just told us that Dante´s uncle had gotten sick and that his dad would be going to check on him for a few days, we said our good byes and I walked home.

The next day mom was tidying up the house I noticed she had her phone with her as I finished some of my school work, she was talking with my dad about Nick, not surprising at all, she asked him if he would be free that weekend and if I would be available to stay with him, I said loud enough for him to hear that I didn´t wanted to go mom, said that maybe she didn´t wanted me to stay with her because maybe she had plans; I knew that wasn´t true and it was just her way to make me spend time with my dad, I said I could stay with Dante and then said that I didn´t wanted to spend my weekend on a hospital, where I knew I would be if Nick was back in the picture.

Mom finally gave in in what I supposed was dad asking her to let him talk with me, she handed me her phone, dad gave me a speech about how we were forming a family and how he was doing the best he could, how spending time supporting Nick wasn´t that bad and how the guy would do it for me, I went on to tell him how his efforts weren´t enough and how Nick wasn´t my brother, he wasn´t even my friend, how the boy wouldn´t have to be there supporting me because it wouldn´t be necessary, before I said no again and as I assumed dad gave in, mom was pissed obviously, but I didn´t care.

I wish I had not acted like a brat, if I only I had known, if I had believed what I  saw in that video and what I had read on that board maybe, just maybe everything that happened after that conversation on the phone with my dad, would had been different.


	5. THE APOCALYPSE PART  1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The apocalypse is here

When the end of humanity as I knew it came, it was so fast that I couldn´t even start to grasp what was happening.

One minute I was on the bus in my way to school, the next I was filming a multitude in a protest after a police officer shoot a homeless man, the next moment I´m in a barber shop with mom and dad and the Salazar’s and then we are running through the streets as the people goes crazy, just  to get to dad´s truck with Mrs. Salazar injured and then we are at the Clarks house where a neighbor just  ate a dog and dad is trying to speak to the guy but then  I heard gun shots, after that a kick in the face by Alicia, the next day  Daniel explains to me how to load a gun and dad gets angry Daniel says that the more I know the better.

Days go by and soldiers come to set base at the neighborhood, then my mom is climbing on the back of a military truck on her way to a facility where they keep the people who are sick, it breaks my heart seeing my mother leave, she´s just leaving me there with people I don´t want to be with, the next thing I know Alicia and I are in the house of some rich people dressing up, drinking and smashing things acting like the reckless teens we are and this is the first time since we know each other  that we spend time together not ignoring one another.

And then the soldiers leave and I´m confused but when we get to her house Madison says it´s time to go and get Nick, Griselda and my mother.

Alicia and I stay on the car being the youngest and it makes me upset because I should be there with all of them saving my mom, soldiers come over and take the truck not after I stand my ground when one of them tries to touch Alicia, that ends with me unconscious and having to be dragged to a hiding spot by the girl I was trying to protect.

Then dad is almost killing the army guy who used to date Ofelia and she is being held by her dad after being shot by said guy, her mom died, but we have a new member in our group his name is Victor Strand and he has a place where we will be safe or that is what Nick says.

In a blink of an eye we find ourselves at Strand´s mansion and mom hugs me tight and I breathe a sigh of relief because even thought this is not  how I wanted our family to be together,  I have both my mom and dad and I feel kind of thankful.

I should have known that it won´t last thought, as Alicia and I stand outside admiring the view and joking  we hear a shot and as I run to the place I saw my mom walking by, I can feel the dread but still I run and then I see her she is lying there lifeless,  hours later ad I sit with her in my arms dad tells me why he had to do it like that would fix anything I just held her and cry.

Around midnight thought we have to move to the Abigail, Strand says as he rushes outside of the house he, Nick, Daniel , Ofelia and Alicia climb into a boat and leave I can´t hear anything all my focus is on my mother, then I´m being pulled out of the house by dad who carries my mother´s body towards the boat where Nick who just came back is yelling at us to climb in and so we do an in the distance we see our city burning to the ground.

The next thing I know I got so enraged listening to dad talking about my mom as we were about to throw her body to the sea, not even a freaking tombstone on a graveyard we will just let her there, I was angry with both of them dad for killing her, and mom for getting bitten, she left me by myself.

When the time came for me to said my goodbye I couldn´t take it I threw her body overboard and l am walking into my room with dad behind me trying to talk to me and I hit him, I never in a million year would had thought that one day I would do that.

Later on we dock in an island a boy little older than me, named Seth shows me how to kill the things that had taken over earth this things that are no longer humans, no matter how much my father wants to believe they are, by killing this things I can get my frustration out, it gives me a sense of purpose and a satisfaction that dad and the others will never understand   and then I watch Seth put his mother down, I barely hear what Alicia says but somehow by seeing that I start to understand my dad why he did what he did to my mom, it was a mercy kill, she would become one of them  if he hadn´t done it.

After we leave the island behind I have a new sense of what this world is like, it´s kill or be killed and I´m not going to die.

Days after Alicia spots a plane crash pointing out that we should go scavenge supplies, after a little argument with Madison she finally let us go, with Daniel as our babysitter, I find a part of the plane with people still in there, those aren´t people anymore they are infected, I make fun of them get a little bit closer before killing it, until I hear a different kind of grunt a man, he is still alive  and my instincts kick in I help him out of his seat only to discover that his spine it´s exposed, I offer water but he refuse, he begs for help but not the kind I want to give him, but seeing him in pain, makes me wonder if I wouldn´t ask for the same, I grab the scrap of metal I used to kill the infected and as shaken up as I feel I smash his head multiple times, I sit there trembling like the scared kid I am chanting in my head that I did this out of mercy like dad did with my mom, I´m taken out of my thoughts when I heard Alicia, I jump and walk out of the plane; I don´t want her to see this, to see what I did, we return to were Daniel is after we hear a shot and I help to kill more of infected, we meet Alex and her friend Jake and I can´t stop thinking why she doesn´t kill him the guy has obviously slowed her down he is dying so he is useless, but I shake these thoughts, because that is a horrible thing to think. Strand leaves them in the middle of the sea.

Then we face the pirates, Ofelia and I are bonding, I feel like she sees us as her little siblings you know if she isn´t talking to me she is with Alicia, she even spends time with Nick, as we stand watch on deck, I tell her about Maria, lately I had been thinking about her and Dante; did they make it out of the city?, are they still alive, did they got infected?, I don´t know, but tonight as we talk about our not existents love lives, it gets my head a little bit away from the darkness I had been feeling , just as that I see a raft two guys and one girl I ask Ofelia if a should shoot and then all becomes messy the raft made it to the Abigail, Alicia recognize Jack the guy from the radio, I get a gun to my head and this guy named Reed make´s it his mission to riled me up, he says a bunch of bull crap using Alicia against me, making sexual comments and a lot of other nasty things, making fun of me for  asking if a I should shoot them. He tells me that if I had to ask, I should and I want nothing more than to shoot him.

We spend all night with this asshole making fun of me,  when morning comes Alicia is somewhere else in the boat with Jack and Strand jumped ship; what a captain! A guy named Connor makes his way to us he takes my dad and Alicia with him, to do with them only God knows what, Daniel and Madison are trying to get us out of this, Ofelia plays the game while Reed keeps pushing my buttons,  Connor left another two of his crew they stand outside and suddenly we hear it shots the two fall down Reed is confused and Madison uses this to her advantage to impale him with a crowbar have to admit I have some respect for Madison.

Nick bring Luis who was the responsible of the death of the other two, Madison gets Strand and Daniel decides not to kill Reed, he thinks of using him in an  exchange of hostages, after he cleans a little bit the wound I ask Daniel to let me guard him, he does even thought I can see that Ofelia isn´t that convinced, Daniel hands me the revolver just to be safe if Reed tries something.

I should had known better he keeps his antics, he tells me the story of his life, how he is a bastard he makes sure to try and point out that I look nothing like the Clarks, he says we are alike, I tell him to shut up, but he keeps going , Nick comes over and tells me to not let him get to my head but I feel like that has already happened, after Nick leaves I try really hard to drown Reed´s voice, the mocking sound the fact that he tells me my dad will chose his new family over me and even when I believe he is wrong an uneasy feeling set on my stomach, he keeps talking and he reminds me of Mike how he used to taunt me and that makes me more angry and then he does it just like Mike did it so long ago he speaks about my mother.

But this time I don´t beat the guy I feel the heavy weight of the gun in my hand and I lift it up to his face, he laugh and mocks me some more before I shoot, half of his mouth is gone and his head is thrown back, I drop my hand still holding the gun to my side and take a step back, my head is pounding, I just killed a man, I killed a human being, my brain tries to process this telling me that it’s not the first time, but I know it´s not the same the other time was out of mercy, this time was out of rage, Ofelia gets closer to me and the only thing I can say it´s “he was going to turn” before I ran to hide on my room.

As dark thought go through my head, Madison comes to see me, I hug her and I would never do that if it wasn´t because I´m scare, I repeat that he was going to turn and she says that she understands, she says too that I didn´t put at risk the exchange and then she leaves, as I stand there watching them I can feel  Nick and Ofelia looking at me, Daniel does too but he seems to not think much of it, but I know that the other two are thinking that I lost my mind, I walk back into my room and lay on the bed closing my eyes, the more I think about Reed, the more I feel some weird satisfaction making it way inside of me, I was right and they were wrong, I saved them, if Reed had turned and I hadn´t shoot him then I would be dead, it was a live or die situation and  I came above it, but still I´m worried the rest thinks  I´m crazy, what will my dad, who doesn´t believe in killing this things, what will he think, what will Alicia think when she finds out, will she look at me as Nick and Ofelia did.

I´m scare of knowing that deep down I enjoyed taking his life, but I´m just a kid and I´m confused and I need my dad more that I had ever needed him, I just hope he can see that.


	6. SLOWLY LOSING MY MIND

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris starts realizing that maybe he isn´t as good as he thought

As dad and Alicia return to the boat, she seems to have won some kind of respect from both Strand and Daniel, which is cool, she owned her mistake and actually tried to right her wrong and I´m thankful that she actually wanted to save my dad.

But I notice too that while she got some respect from our crew, I may have made I huge mistake, as they look at me like they aren´t so sure that I shoot Reed because he was turning, a while later dad comes to find me I´m seating by myself as Alicia, Nick, Daniel and Ofelia talk and play cards.

Dad tells me about Madison´s concern over my actions with Reed, at first I´m scare he will reprimand me about it and then I get angry with Madison again, she didn´t understood, she betrayed me and actually went and told my dad and that is why everyone on the boat are mad at me.

I feel scare that dad will act the same but he actually believes me that I didn´t killed Reed because I wanted.

As we get to Mexico a lot happens first the coast guards try to play dirty which ends with Luis dying and turning and the two guards as well, both Ofelia and Nick keep Daniel from actually finishing Luis.

Once we get to the beach Strand leaves the Abigail in a place that according to him no one will find it, we made our way up to a small church, where we find a pile of bodies of the parishioner, before we are attacked by infected, everyone fights back, I´m so focused on killing this thins counting them on my head, like this was a video game and if a I got certain number I would get a price, it´s then when I notice Madison loosing balance and falling back with one of the infected on top of her.

My mind focus then in the fact that how easy would be to let her die, I watch as she struggles and I get a weird satisfaction, seen her helpless, that thing could kill her or bite her and she will turn and I could just end her misery and act of compassion like the one dad did with mom, Madison deserves it I mean she didn´t support me like she said she would.

As I keep thinking of this Alicia calling my name shakes me out of my thoughts, she walks pass me and stabs the thing on its head and then helps her mom up, she looks at me for a second before joining the others.

I sigh and walk towards the truck Alicia says nothing as I sit next to her.

Once we reach the house the people in there ask us to leave whatever weapon we have and Victor found out that Thomas, his boyfriend got infected as he was, as Victor suspected on the church.

I walk around the house chose one of the rooms, Celia the woman on charge of the house seems to be a little bit crazy, she takes an immediate liking for Nick, I sure I don´t know why people seem to like him, he is a junkie.

After walking around and exploring, I walk into the living room, Alicia is in there I want to talk to her I´m sure she mistook what happened at the church, she probably doesn´t believe that I froze and I want to make things right with her again.

Slowly I walk into the room she looks at me and stands up, like she was planning running away from me, which hurts, I ask if she is mad at me and tell her that I froze, but I know she can see trough me and is confirmed when she calls me out on it and as she moves to leave again I got up, grab her arms and press her against the wall, I can see fear in her eyes even when she is fighting against it and it gives me some sort of satisfaction, I tell her very calmly that I don´t want to hurt anyone, that I don´t want to hurt her so she better doesn´t tell anyone what happened on the church.

I then turn around and leave, as I walk through the hallways I realize that it sounded as I had threaten her and I hate myself, I don´t want her to hate me but the last couple of days a lot of dark thoughts had crossed my mind and Madison telling my dad hadn´t helped, I wonder why she pretended that she understood me, that she was going to support me, did she did that with the kids that searched her counseling?, what kind of person lies to kids and then goes and tells the parents what they said, because they trusted her.

I have a right to be angry at her, right? she lied to me, I trusted her and she just didn´t care and what if I wanted to see her dying she deserved that and more.

I hate having this feeling and this thoughts it feels like my mental sanity is sleeping away but at the same time I know that having that set of mind it´s going to help me to survive.

In this kind of scenario where the world has ended you have to kill those who aren´t loyal because they will cause trouble.

I go to my room and stay in there for the rest of the day, when the night comes dad appears at my door, he tell me that Alicia told her mom about our encounter and that she is scare that is why Madison will spend the night with her.

It hurts to think that Alicia hates me now, that she is scared of me even thought a few hours ago it felt good to know that she did, now I feel bad, she was my friend, the only one at that and now she doesn´t feel safe if she knows I´m around.

Dad told me that he would talk with the two of them and made sure they understood that it wasn´t my intention, but in reality there was an intention with Madison I was really not going to help her I was going to wait and see that thing kill her, or if it didn´t killed her I was going to finish its job.

I wait awhile until I heard dad snoring, I got up and walked towards Alicia´s room, I had seen her choose one earlier, I walked in and softly called her name, I wanted to apologize, I wanted her to not be mad at me, as I noticed she didn´t even stir I moved further into the room, Madison was protectively holding her as they slept, and then on the nightstand I saw it a knife, my heart clenched.

Alicia was so scare of me that she had asked her mom to bring a weapon, when in the house wasn´t allowed, I moved closer to it and grab it, I looked at it, it was a big knife, Madison wasn´t playing.

Just as I was about to put it back where I had found it and try to apologize a gun shot rang through the house, waking up the two occupants of the bed, Alicia immediately called my name and shout at me to get out as I mumbled that I wasn´t going to do anything, I freaked out and ran out.

I must have looked like one of those serial killer on the slasher movies standing next to their bed holding a knife in the darkness, I wanted to scream and cry, I wasn´t going to hurt her, I didn´t wanted to hurt her.

I hide outside the house as the others moved around I hear some workers talking about mister Thomas and Victor, but I couldn´t bring myself to face the group.

If they had thought I was crazy for shooting Reed I only could imagine what they thought now, I cried and hit a wall I could feel the bomb ticking and the moment to explode getting closer.

I walked around the vineyard thinking, I had always believed that I was a good guy, but right now and as I see little things that happened here or there, the adrenaline that rushed through me every single time I killed one of those things, the satisfaction of killing Reed until what little conscience kicked in, the fact that I wanted Madison dead, because now it was just the want of see her walked away from my dad, but for her to actually disappear.

It hit me I wasn´t a good guy and I should had known since a beat Michael so long ago, so I did the one thing I thought was the best I ran away, I saw dad looking for me, but I couldn´t stay not now that I knew my true nature, not with them that refused to kill who ever put us on danger.

I ran for what felt like days but were actually just hours, I found a few bodies, one of the had a gun and a knife I got it and shoot at some infected I saw around it was fun.

I walked a few more miles until I saw my dad getting closer I knew I wouldn´t make it without food and water that´s when I saw it, a small rundown house.

I make my way to it maybe I can convince whoever lives there to help me and give some food and water if not I can steal it I doubt this people had enough money for a gun.

As I get closer I see a small boy around  eight playing outside he looks at me and asks me what I want, I put a finger to my lips before I grab the gun and point it to his head, his eyes widen I pull him closer to me and make my way into de the hose there is a guy he looks tired but the second he sees me he gets up and tries to get closer I shake my head and I say in Spanish; I thank my mother for that, what I want, he gives me food and water and let me sit at his table I keep my gun pointing at the kid´s head the entire time I eat, I tell him about my dad and how if he doesn’t keeps him away I´m going to paint his wall with his kid´s brain, he nods and I move into the other room when  I hear my dad´s voice getting closer.

I hear them talking dad sounds exhausted, he asks about me and the guy says he saw me leave in some other direction, at first I think everything is going fine dad says his thanks but then he is opening the door and there I am holding a little kid hostage, telling my dad that I´m going to kill him, to leave me alone, the man yell desperate and the kid cries, II don´t know how my dad knocks the gun out of my hand and in the confusion of it all I run past him and the guy by throwing the kid towards them.

I don´t make it too far before dad tackles me to the floor we wrestle and I pull the knife I try to stab him as I yell at him that I´m not good and to let me go, I ask him why he can´t let me go.

It takes a while but I finally calm down and he let go of me.

We sit there, I can see him looking at me like he is trying to figure out what went wrong, I see Nick coming over probably Madison send him to get my dad back, they speak for a few minutes before Nick leaves, I wonder what dad told him, but I don´t ask, I don´t think I really want to know.

We start walking when I ask what´s the plan and why we aren´t making our way back to Thomas´s house that says that now it´s only the two of us and I feel happy I can see he is sad but that doesn´t mean that I should be I had my dad for myself and if I had knew that  only had a few days left I would had tried to be a better son, because at the end of my time that was one of my biggest regrets.


End file.
